On Thursday of last week, I was eager to get back home after work to post a Facebook status. ‘I love my job!’, was part of it. It was wonderful, I also suggested, to be around a team of staff and patients who all complimented and cared for each other sincerely. However, I am only a mental health peer mentor once a week, and these last few days have been quite an anti-climax.
I live on my own. This, of course, has been more difficult due to our current situation. After the initial shock of lockdown, I feel like my mood has returned to normal. That is, except for sometimes feeling lonely. It has reached a negative stump recently, the feelings of isolation provoking many questions. Why am I all alone at 26 years old when other people my age have got partners and/or children? Why hasn’t anyone rung me? Why haven’t I done enough to help others during lockdown? Why don’t I have enough friends? If this rings true to you at the moment, read on!
In a fog of boredom and frustration today, I put down a project I was working on and took a walk in the park. The sunshine and the change of scenery, I admit, did clear the air a little. Although I felt envious of families and partners out together when I was on my own, I was listening to an audiobook on my phone when something resonated with me. Eckharte Tolle, the author of this book, was speaking about how limitations can help us to reach a high state of consciousness. Now, I am no Eckharte Tolle! However, I have come to believe that struggle develops us. For example, my loneliness during lockdown has been a prompt; it has helped me to live a better life. As a result of this emotion, I have: written this post (and, in this act, empathised with and reached out to others); discovered lots of interesting audiobooks and music and started to write poetry again. Now, there you have it: loneliness (mixed with a good dollop of boredom) has helped me to get more creative.
All this reminds me of what Patricia Deegan, disability-rights advocate, psychologist and researcher, said in one of her speeches (when referring to mental health). She talked about how each one of us need to find our own personal medicine, that the cure to mental illness is not just in medication. It’s about what we do. Whether you suffer from mental illness or not, there is power in this assertion for anyone struggling with feelings of loneliness currently. That is, you can perform the actions necessary and you have the tools inside you to overcome such difficulties. We may sometimes find ourselves in the trap of feeling sorry for ourselves because of this, but the real skill of life emerges when we can use this constructively. It’s not always easy. However, as I’ve discovered, even a walk in the park may refresh the spirit enough to see how we can move past our feelings of isolation.
There you have it: loneliness during lockdown does not have to defeat you. When routines are back to normal and we return to Back on Track, I hope that you can look back on this emotion as something that you learnt to conquer amidst the uncertainty of the situation! If you live on your own, be proud of yourself for using all the strength that you have for getting though this.
Maysie Stott-Morrison
